I just finished watching Into the Storm, and if you value your sanity, movies in general and your crush on Richard Armitage – DO NOT WATCH IT! I repeat, if you mean to pay the ticket or download it for free
Oh my god, this is such bullshit of a movie I can’t even put it into words, although I will try to. Those of you who know me and who’ve seen Ultraviolet with me, suffice it to say that this makes less sense as a movie and is less exciting than Ultraviolet!
I spent the first couple of minutes thinking “ok, this might go somewhere, I’ll give it a chance.” and “It might be a late bloomer” (that was the thought after 10 minutes), but noooooo, it just got worse.
there were times when I seriously considered going out to get alcohol (being drunk seemed to work with Transformers 2 or 3, I can’t remember which one)
The plot points (points being used very loosely here) are as follow
- uuuuuu look at the big tornado, let’s go and get ourselves killed perhaps
- we end up not understanding the cause of this phenomenon because the “scientist chick” (who was more convincing as the doctor in Prison Break than a meteorologist, and she was NOT convincing in Prison Break) explains nothing throughout the movie. The only “scienty” thing she does is to point at a big red blob on the satellite image on the screen. I COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING! ALL YOU NEED TO BE IS NOT FRIGGIN COLORBLIND TO DO IT! the fact is that the creators of this movie were obviously a couple of people who had no idea that a disaster movie should at least attempt to research the catastrophic thing that is the basis of the plot!
- two jackass wannabes who somehow survive getting sucked into a bloody tornado!
- a teenager who is behaving like a teenager and wants to score a date or something with a cute girl who is obviously using him for her own gain because she is so incompetent that she can’t work a camera!
- a storm chaser who is filming the entire thing and who is an “awful” person who “turns around” in the end and sacrifices himself for the main characters, and in the moments before his death he is sucked up the ginormous tornado and as he rises above the cloud cover he sees the sunset-bathed clouds and stuff. I half expected there to be heavenly harps playing and angels greeting him in heaven
- and finally – Richard friggin Armitage! Who decided that he was done with acting and just lumbered around like John Wayne with the emotional range and depth of a bucket of kale. In addition to his complete lack of acting skills (and I know he can act, I’ve seen it!) his accent is SOOOOOOOO awful that he makes Keanu Reeves in Dracula look good! I mean, why in the hell did they pick him for this role? I love the guy, he’s a nice hunk of man, but there are plenty more suitable American actors to play the role, why choose him!
And now, let’s explain the title of this post.
Here is a list of people who have brought dishonor on themselves, their families and their cow by being connected with this movie:
- the screenplay author
- the ideaperson behind this movie
- the director
- the casting person
- Richard Armitage
- and finally – Me, for buying the goddamned ticket and going to see the movie in the first place
ok, now that that rant is over, I’ll go back to knitting and while I do that I’ll be thinking of ways I can take over the world because
except for me and Richard Armitage of course
p.s. incidentally, there’s a flying cow in this movie!